Holiday Stress.
It’s the most wonderful time of year. That’s what they say, right? The happiest season of all! I think that’s how the song goes, and boy is that Christmas music cranking already! I, personally, am not ready for it… "it" being the music, the gift shopping, setting up the tree, finding the decorations that are stuffed in the back of my attic, the endless cooking, the money I am going to spend, the gift-wrapping, and all of the other preparations to be made for house guests and parties. I know, I know…I sound like a bah-humbug, an Ebenezer Scrooge. I actually really enjoy the Hanukkah and Christmas season, as we celebrate both in my family. However, I wish I could just simply show up, that somehow all of the aforementioned tasks didn’t primary fall on me. MomProblems, but that’s another blog for another time. I can’t be alone in this. Am I right? Can I get a heck-ya? Holiday stress. We all feel it on some level. So, let’s break it down.
The holidays are filled with both joy and stress. This dichotomy is reflected in the findings of a 2015 survey conducted by HealthLine. This study found that Sixty-two percent of respondents described their stress level as “very or somewhat” elevated during the holidays, while only 10 percent reported no stress during the season. Among the holiday stressors listed by respondents were the financial demands of the season, negotiating the interpersonal dynamics of family, and maintaining personal routines and health habits, such as nutrition and exercise. These stressors are a widespread problem. In fact, nearly a quarter of Americans reported feeling “extreme stress” come holiday time, according to a poll by the American Psychological Association. Holiday stress statistics show that up to 69 percent of people are stressed by the feeling of having a “lack of time,” 69 percent are stressed by perceiving a “lack of money,” and 51 percent are stressed out about the “pressure to give or get gifts.”
The stress and anxiety of the holiday season, especially during the months of November and December can manifest in symptoms such as headaches, sleep disturbances, fatigue, exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, short temper, upset stomach, low job satisfaction and morale, aching muscles (including lower back pain), loss of appetite, changes in behavior while at work, and a decline in productivity and work performance. In more extreme cases, people can experience severe depressive or anxiety symptoms. During holiday time, stress is amped up by a number of factors: lack of money, shopping decisions and deadlines, parties, strained family relations, pressures to please family and friends and have “the perfect” holiday, and the media bombardment of happy, smiling families and friends enjoying holiday festivities. There’s also the increased vulnerability to succumb to recent personal losses—the death of a spouse, child, relative or close friend; a divorce; or the breakup of a relationship. Patients treated by emergency psychiatric services during the holiday season reported that their most common stressors were feelings of loneliness and “being without family,” according to a 1991 Canadian study.
Because the holiday season often requires us to keep track of and pay attention to a greater number of responsibilities than usual, the brain’s prefrontal cortex goes into overdrive. Over a span of time, this high level of demand can decrease memory, halt production of new brain cells, and cause existing brain cells to die. Fortunately, holiday stress is a special kind of stress: an acute reaction to an immediate threat. This sort of demand is something we are more capable of dealing with because it is time limited. Once the holidays are over and we can relax, the stress of the season goes away.
It seems that no matter what we do outside of locking ourselves in a closet for the next few months, we will be affected by the holidays in some way. So how can we best deal with this potential stress? I’ve come up with a very basic to-do list, a list of reminders, if you will, on how we can best take care of ourselves over the next few months, and generally everyday, but especially when we can foresee a stressful patch ahead.
Don’t lose yourself in the holiday hustle and bustle:
With all of the extra responsibilities, tasks, and event obligations that we often face this time of year, it can be so easy to give up on our usual routines. However, during times of stress, it’s even more important to stick to our typical day to day rituals as much as possible. As mundane as it may sound, humans typically thrive on routine. It can be easy to skip a workout class in lieu of meeting friends out for holiday cocktails or splurge at the hors de' oeuvres table at a Christmas party rather than be at home and make a typical nutritious meal. While neither of these things are bad in and of themselves, if they become overly repeated events, your mind, body, and spirit will feel the negative effects. It is important to put in your best effort to find balance between the tasks, obligations, the eating and partying, and the shopping with your normal healthy day-to-day living.
Keep healthy boundaries:
We’ve already talked about keeping life balance in check this time of year, and this leads right into my next point: Just say no! It’s really ok to say no to people, invitations, and gifts, and just about anything else that can be thrown at you this time of year. You don’t have to attend every holiday event you are invited to. You don’t have to buy everyone a gift. Your barista doesn’t need another gift card. You don’t have to buy your postal carrier a scarf. You can politely decline a cocktail hour or party. Oftentimes, people worry about hurting feelings by saying no, or feel bad in some way by not purchasing gifts for those that contribute to their lives in some way. However, you must know your limits. If you are feeling like you can’t keep your routine, or that you are stretched too thin emotionally, physically, or financially, listen to these cues. It’s too much and you need to scale back in some way.
In a similar vein of keeping healthy boundaries, we must not only focus on our personal boundaries, but also on our relational boundaries as well. Family get-togethers sometimes require that we spend time with family members that we frankly don’t like very much or simply can’t see eye to eye with. Let the severity of the the stress that these relationships cause be your guide as to whether or not you attend that function, or how long you stay if you do attend. It may not be an option to completely skip out on a family event, but you can certainly limit the amount of time you spend there. If coming later or leaving early helps you take care of yourself and keeps you from feeling overwhelmed by emotion, do it. Limiting your time at an event doesn’t make you a bad sister, daughter, husband, or son.
Don’t lose sight of reality:
Between then Lexus commercial that tells my husband he should be buying me a new car, when in reality we can only afford the big bow, or the influx of photo cards we’ll receive with smiling families all dressed up in their best matching outfits, or all of the Facebook posts of moms flawlessly making Christmas cookies with their kids, a person could literally become anxious or depressed just trying to keep up with all of that. We must remember that most of, if not all of these examples are not rooted in reality. They are a snapshot in time. Don’t even get me started on holiday marketing! I mean how many of us are actually buying our loved ones cars for Christmas? The families in the perfect poses with the matching sweaters probably took 50 shots just to get that one picture and you know that little girl ripped her dress of immediately. The mom who just Facebook posted her clean kitchen with her cute kids in their holiday aprons holding the most beautiful plate of awesomely decorated sugar cookies you’ve ever seen, well, I can’t even! Every year I try to make Christmas cookies with my kids. It’s always a total mess and the cookies look like we decorated them blindfolded. We last about 20 minutes before I kick them out of the kitchen and call them back in to lick the spoons and bowl. We are all happier this way. The point is that everyone is different. We all have our strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. Some people have more financial means. Others have more patience. Some have more time on their hands. The moral here is: Know yourself. Work within your strengths and abilities. Accept your limitations for the moment. And, most importantly, don’t try to keep up with the images that you are bombarded with during this holiday season. Let go of trying to keep up with your neighbor or your old college roommate. You do you. Trust me, you’ll have a much happier holiday season.
When all else fails, utilize positive ways to cope:
Even if you follow all of these tips, you might still find yourself feeling overwhelmed, or even anxious or depressed. Here’a a short list of positive coping skills that help reduce stress:
1.) Avoid consuming too much caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine. Caffeine and nicotine are stimulants and will therefore increase your level of stress rather than reduce it. Alcohol is a depressant when taken in large quantities, but acts as a stimulant in smaller quantities. Therefore using alcohol as a way to alleviate stress is not ultimately helpful.
2.) Indulge in physical activity. Stressful situations increase the level of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol in your body. These are the “fight or flight” hormones that evolution has hard-wired into our brains and which are designed to protect us from immediate bodily harm when we are under threat. However, stress in the modern age is rarely remedied by a fight or flight response, and so physical exercise can be used as a surrogate to metabolize the excessive stress hormones and restore your body and mind to a calmer, more relaxed state.When you feel stressed and tense, go for a brisk walk in fresh air. Try to incorporate some physical activity into your daily routine on a regular basis, either before or after work, or at lunchtime. Regular physical activity will also improve the quality of your sleep.
3.) Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep is a significant cause of stress. Unfortunately though, stress also interrupts our sleep as thoughts keep whirling through our heads, stopping us from relaxing enough to fall asleep. Rather than relying on medication, your aim should be to maximize your relaxation before going to sleep. Make sure that your bedroom is a tranquil space with no reminders of the things that cause you stress. Avoid caffeine during the evening, as well as excessive alcohol if you know that this leads to disturbed sleep. Stop doing any mentally demanding work several hours before going to bed so that you give your brain time to calm down. Try taking a warm bath or reading a calming, undemanding book for a few minutes to relax your body, tire your eyes and help you forget about the things that worry you. You should also aim to go to bed at roughly the same time each day so that your mind and body get used to a predictable bedtime routine.
4.) Try relaxation techniques or mindfulness. Each day, try to relax with a stress reduction technique or mindfulness. There are many tried and tested ways to reduce stress, so try a few and see what works best for you. Here are some trusted links to guide you through:
https://www.pocketmindfulness.com/6-mindfulness-exercises-you-can-try-today/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/relaxation-techniques-for-stress-relief.htm
https://www.developgoodhabits.com/mindfulness-exercises/
5.) Talk to someone. Just talking to someone about how you feel can be helpful. Talking can work by either distracting you from your stressful thoughts or releasing some of the built-up tension by discussing it. Stress can cloud your judgement and prevent you from seeing things clearly. Talking things through with a friend, work colleague, or even a trained professional, can help you find solutions to your stress and put your problems into perspective.
6.) Keep a stress diary. Keeping a stress diary for a few weeks is an effective stress management tool as it will help you become more aware of the situations which cause you to become stressed. Note down the date, time and place of each stressful episode, and note what you were doing, who you were with, and how you felt both physically and emotionally. Give each stressful episode a stress rating (on, say, a 1-10 scale) and use the diary to understand what triggers your stress and how effective you are in stressful situations. This will enable you to avoid stressful situations and develop better coping mechanisms.
7.) Rest if you are ill. If you are feeling unwell, do not feel that you have to carry on regardless. A short spell of rest will enable the body to recover faster.